Attachment

Clio is coming for a visit today. I’ve seen her almost weekly since she moved into her permanent home. I am very very pleased with her new home. She is being adopted by a young couple who have been hoping/waiting/praying for a child for a long time. They clearly adore her and feel deeply connected to her and are committed to caring for her. When I saw her right after she moved out, my heart was so full of joy seeing how she gazed at her new mom and dad and her eyes were sparkling. Knowing she is happy and delighted with the people she is with is wonderful. I held her awhile. Then John held her. While she was in John’s lap, she was staring hard at my face. I looked back at her and smiled. She looked deeply into my eyes then her lower lip came out and her chin started to wobble. Tears came and she started bawling…..staring at me the whole time. While I know she is safe and loved in her new home, I also feel that she misses me. It pains me to think that she feels even a fraction of the emptiness that I do with her gone. But I know she feels something. And while I wish for her to know nothing but happiness during this transfer, I suppose this sadness is good. It is good that she has the capacity to love and miss me. It means we’ve done well by her. We’ve held her and loved her as deeply as our own. She was raised to trust and expect that her needs will be met and that life is wonderful fun and good. I know the sadness and heartbreak of our parting is part of the process of transferring this bond to her new family. Hopefully it will only deepen her bonds with them as she’s missing me, they are there comforting her and meeting her needs each day. And our continued visits, visits where I hold her and sniff her and kiss her sweet head, will remind her that she is surrounded by love on all sides.

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